The Healing Power of Forgiveness by Elly Swartz

I forgive you.

Three powerful and important words.

Take a moment. Think back. To a time when you hurt someone you cared about. Did something wrong. Made a mistake.

Were you forgiven?

Now think back to a time when you were hurt. Wronged.

Did you forgive?

We all make mistakes. That is life.

We learn as littles the importance of saying I’m sorry.

I’m sorry I didn’t share my stuffed bear. I’m sorry I ate the last cookie. I’m sorry I broke your crayons.

As we age, our apologies change with us.

I’m sorry I didn’t include you. I’m sorry I betrayed your trust. I’m sorry I didn’t speak up for you.

Let’s talk about what happens next. To me, this moment matters. A lot.

Do you dig in, stay angry?

Or do accept the apology?

Do you forgive?

Your friend? Your family? Yourself?

You have a choice. What do you do?

When we don’t forgive, mistakes fester and build. They change and grow into something bigger. They take on a life of their own. Wedge in. Take over. Our head and our heart.

But when we forgive, we let go, move on, move forward.

C.S. Lewis said, “Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” 

I love this. Letting go is the path forward, but letting go is hard. You’ve been hurt. Wronged. Those feelings are real and need to be honored. And then released.

Forgiveness is a theme I explore in my latest book, Hidden Truths. Dani (short for Danielle) and Eric are neighbors and best friends. Their story is told from alternating points of view and shares each character’s perspective as they navigate a rift in their friendship, bullies, social media fame, crushes, and middle school life.

In this book, both Dani and Eric make mistakes. They say hurtful things. They do hurtful things. And in some moments, are responsible for hurtful silence. As the story unfolds, they must decide if they can forgive themselves and each other. They have to forgive each other for their hurtful words, actions, and silences. They have to forgive themselves for their own shortcomings, missteps, miscommunications, and big fat mistakes.

Will they hold onto their anger and hurt?

Is it more important to be right than to forgive?

When we are wronged, we feel all the feels – anger, anxiety, depression, exhaustion, frustration, sadness. It impacts us physically and mentally. I have always felt this in life, but never knew this to be fact. Until I recently came across Dr. Sanjay Gupta’s brilliant podcast, The Forgiving Brain. You see, I learned that there is a science behind forgiving. All those things I felt, are real. And have a scientific explanation. Professor Robert Enright in this podcast talks to Dr. Sanjay Gupta about the power and physiological benefits of forgiveness. He shares that forgiving actually reduces anger, anxiety, and depression. It can lower blood pressure, decrease inflammation, improve sleep, increase self-esteem, and provide hope.

So friends, the good news is that forgiveness is beneficial to your body and mind.

Forgiveness is a choice.

One we can all make.

For ourselves. Because that’s the thing. When we apologize for the broken toy, the mean comment, the failure to include, I believe we are apologizing for the person we hurt. To let them know we care. We understand the consequences of our actions. We didn’t mean it. We were wrong.

I also believe that forgiving another is not about that person. Or excusing their hurtful behavior. It is about you. It is about letting go and moving forward. And the benefit to you of releasing the anger, the weight, and negativity, and bringing light into your head and your heart.

Stories enable readers to connect with and learn from the healing power of forgiveness. To see and understand its benefits. Stories enable readers to see themselves on the page. Give them an opportunity to practice the art of forgiving. In The Gift of Story, John Schu encourages the reader to recognize and embrace the healing power of story. I applaud and echo this sentiment.

In Hidden Truths, Dani and Eric ultimately make the choice to forgive each other and themselves. They let go of the need to be right. They let go of their anger and hurt. They move forward. Together.

Forgiveness is your bridge. Your path forward.

Take it, my friends!

Meet the author

Elly Swartz is the acclaimed author of six middle grade novels: Finding Perfect, Smart Cookie, Give and Take, Dear Student, Hidden Truths, and Same Page (coming 2025). Swartz’s books reflect her commitment to raising awareness about mental health and neurodiversity. Her debut novel, Finding Perfect, was named one of the Best Children’s Books About Mental Health by the Child Mind Institute, Dear Student was recommended by Parents Magazine, and Hidden Truths has received starred reviews from Kirkus and from School Library Journal, is a Kirkus Best Books of 2023, an Amazon Best Book for November, an Amazon Editors’ pick, The Week Junior Book Club pick, a Project LIT Book Club selection, and a winner of a 2023 Nerdy for Middle Grade Fiction. 

Swartz travels the country meeting with thousands of students each year to empower their own personal narrative. Swartz resides in Massachusetts. Connect with her at ellyswartz.com, on Twitter @ellyswartz, and on Instagram or Threads @ellyswartzbooks. 

Links

Website: ellyswartz.com

Instagram: @ellyswartzbooks  

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/elly.pitaskyswartz

Twitter: @ellyswartz

Threads: @ellyswartzbooks  

About Hidden Truths

How far would you go to keep a promise? Told from alternating points of view, Hidden Truths is a story of changing friendships, the lies we tell, the secrets we keep, and the healing power of forgiveness.

Dani and Eric have been best friends since Dani moved next door in second grade. They bond over donuts, comic books, and camping on the Cape.

Until one summer when everything changes.

Did Eric cause the accident that leaves Dani unable to do the one thing in the world she most cares about? The question plagues him, and he will do anything to get answers about the explosion that injured her. But Dani is hurting too much to want Eric to pursue the truth—she just wants to shut him out and move on. Besides, Eric has a history of dropping things he starts. Eric knows that and is determined that this will be the one time he follows through.

But what if his pursuit brings him into direct conflict with another friend? Where does Eric’s loyalty really lie?

ISBN-13: 9780593483664
Publisher: Random House Children’s Books
Publication date: 10/31/2023
Age Range: 10 – 13 Years

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