Sunday Reflections: Today I Am an Empty Well
Many readers have often told me that Sunday Reflections are their favorite posts here at TLT. They’re moving I hear. Insightful. Challenging.
I’m sorry dear reader but today, I have nothing.
I can not even begin to process what is happening around our world, in my country, near my home (I live 20 minutes from Dallas).
And on top of all that, I have personally had my worst week ever. Our beloved family dog is not okay, and we are wrestling with that. We watched a house across the street burn down. A freak storm took out our tree which took out our fence. An uncle had a heart attack. And on Friday night, someone shot a BB gun into our car as we drove down the street through the window in the seat where The Teen was sitting.
Inside our home. Outside our home.
The world feels different.
And I have no words.
What is happening all around me is far beyond the scope of what I can process or articulate.
And I have come to the place where I have had to allow myself to say: I can’t do this today.
It’s okay that I don’t have the words. It’s okay that I don’t have the emotional energy.
It’s okay that I just want to lay in bed and watch tv and hold my dog and hold my child and pray for a second of emotional peace.
I know that there are those who can’t right now. There are mothers who are mourning. There are wives and sisters and friends who live in fear that I can’t even begin to imagine.
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But today, I am an empty well. The words are not there.
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About Karen Jensen, MLS
Karen Jensen has been a Teen Services Librarian for almost 30 years. She created TLT in 2011 and is the co-editor of The Whole Library Handbook: Teen Services with Heather Booth (ALA Editions, 2014).
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Sometimes, you have to place yourself first. The world will always be in need, but it can also drain us immensely. When we are tackling personal struggles, too, we have to allow ourselves the peace of handling those with the same grace we normally extend to the outside world.
Take care of yourself and your family. The world and all its problems will be here when you’re ready.
I have been feeling guilty because I haven’t been able to find the words. I worry that others will think I am not thinking about this, every day, that I don’t care about how they are coping.
What I have found, and have been trying to share, are the words of others. So many thoughtful, kind, tired, angry and mournful people expressing much of what I feel. It’s okay that we can’t all do it every day, every time this happens. The exhaustion that this continues to happen. But hopefully, we can all carry each other, make space for each other’s words, and give each other the courage and strength to speak up in the times when another needs a moment’s breathing time.
Your love and your empathy are nurtured by caring for your family and yourself. You are doing something important when you hug your dog and your child. Thank you for taking the time to write what you did.