Mysteries and the Teenage Search for Identity, a guest post by Jan Gangsei

Who am I?

It’s a question that strikes at the heart of being a teen—and one my main character, Maggie, finds herself wrestling with at the beginning of my newest YA mystery, DEAD BELOW DECK.

Maggie—along with friends Giselle, Viv, and Emi—have embarked on what should have been the spring break of a lifetime aboard a luxury yacht bound for the Caribbean. An epic trip to celebrate the end of senior year before graduating and going their separate ways.

But on the final day of the voyage, heiress and queen bee Giselle goes missing.

After a frantic search, shocking video surfaces—showing Maggie pushing Giselle overboard.

Now confined to her stateroom—hungover and unable to remember exactly what happened the night before—Maggie must come to terms with what she’s done. Who she really is. Because Maggie had always believed she was a good person. Someone who strived to do the right thing. To take care of the people she loves.

But, what if she’s wrong?

What if—deep in her core—she’s nothing more than a liar? A thief?

A killer…?

How did she become this person she hardly recognizes?

Working on this essay sent me to a dark and mysterious place—aka, my basement storage area, in search of photographs of high school Jan to accompany this piece. Unfortunately (or maybe, fortunately?), I came of age in the pre-digital photography era, so my high school pictures are a hodge-podge of out-of-focus shots, old Polaroids, and yearbook photos.

Still, even though I didn’t find many good pictures, digging through long-unopened boxes brought teen me back to life in unexpected ways—in the form of old postcards, notes (carefully folded into triangles to be passed back and forth during study halls), and school pictures of classmates with inscriptions on the back declaring undying love and friendship. Oh, and a mixtape or two—recorded while I sat in front of my stereo, patiently waiting for my favorite songs to come on the radio.

Like Maggie, I grew up in small-town Vermont, dreaming of bigger things. In high school, I was a cheerleader and honor student. I loved cheer, had great friends, worked hard. And apparently—per the guidance form I found stuffed in one of the basement boxes—my favorite subjects freshman year were math and English, and my career plans were a vague “maybe something with computers.” Over the next four years, my interests continued to shift. Maybe I’d be a lawyer. Or a psychologist. Or a journalist. (There was plenty I held close to the vest, too—a secret desire to audition for a play or learn to sing or maybe even write a book someday.)

All I knew, deep in my core, was that I yearned to go places. Be someone. Break free of the narrow little box I occupied as small-town cheerleader Jan, who got good grades and never stirred up trouble.

I can still vividly remember my high school graduation—it was a perfect, sunny day on the football field where I’d performed so many routines, bleachers filled with friends and family. As we marched across the stage to receive our diplomas, there were plenty of hugs and tears, applause and congratulations.

But my eyes were fixed on the horizon, beyond the fields and valleys and hills that wove the fabric of my small town. I couldn’t help but wonder:

Who am I—and who will I become?

At a school visit recently, I was asked: why write for teens? It’s a terrific question. And the reasons are myriad. Teenagers are great people, for starters. They’re interesting and unique and diverse and—let’s face it—there’s this incredible intensity to life that’s so unique to being a teen and compelling to write. First loves. First heartbreaks. First…everything.

But really, I think what resonates most deeply with me as a writer (and former teenager who wanted to do “maybe something with computers”) is the overarching search for identity that’s so profound during the teen years. It’s a time when we’re auditioning for the role of “adult”—trying on different costumes, seeing what fits. Learning that not everything will. Figuring out how to free ourselves of the boxes we’re placed in by our family, friends, teachers—ourselves.

This search for identity is both exciting and terrifying, which is why I think mysteries and thrillers resonate so well with teen audiences (and why I enjoy writing them so much!). In a mystery, the existential age-old question of who am I? morphs into a whodunnit. The stakes are heightened. The story becomes a safe place to experience the strong and sometimes overpowering emotions that are part of the journey to find yourself—exhilaration, amazement, hopefulness. And to face the fears, too: what if I fail? Make a mistake? Find myself trapped in a situation I can’t escape?

That’s exactly how Maggie, Giselle, Emi and Viv feel as they board The Escape with their luggage, dreams—and secrets—in tow. The horizon beckons, promising days filled with sun, sand, fun—and above all, possibility. They’re filled with hope and anticipation, maybe a hint of fear about what the future holds.

As I sat on the floor of my dimly lit storage room rummaging through boxes of high school memories, I was reminded again of those heady emotions. The longing to chase the horizon as far as it reached. The ever-changing notion of how I envisioned myself when I grew up (a lawyer! psychologist! journalist!).

While I didn’t get it exactly right (and I like to think I’m still learning and growing and chasing that horizon), I suppose there was a glimmer of future Jan in my memory boxes. Because I do, in fact, do “something with computers.”

Just not, exactly, in the way I expected.

And I couldn’t be happier.

Because as it turns out, becoming a writer for teens—and teen Jan—is about the most thrilling and rewarding answer to the question: who am I?

Meet the author

Jan Gangsei is an award-winning author of books for young adults and tweens, including Dead Below Deck, Zero Day, and Project Me 2.0. A Vermont native, she now lives in northern Virginia with her family, where she writes full-time with her rescue pup, Willie, curled at her side.

Website: www.jangangsei.com

Instagram: @jangangsei

Threads: @jangangsei

X: @JanGangsei

Facebook: @jan.gangsei

About Dead Below Deck

When an heiress disappears from her superyacht and security footage shows her getting pushed, the main suspect has to prove her innocence in this thrilling mystery at sea told in reverse chronological order, perfect for fans of Karen McManus and Genuine Fraud.

It was supposed to be the best-ever girls’ trip: five days, four friends, one luxury yacht, no parents. But on the final night, as the yacht cruised the deep and dark waters between Florida and Grand Cayman, eighteen-year-old heiress Giselle vanished. She’s nowhere to be found the next morning even after a frantic search, until security footage surfaces . . . showing Maggie pushing her overboard.

But Maggie has no memory of what happened. All she knows is that she woke up with a throbbing headache, thousands of dollars in cash in her safe, a passport that isn’t hers, and Giselle’s diary. And while Maggie had her own reasons to want Giselle dead, so did everyone else on board: jealous Viv, calculating Emi, even some members of the staff.

What really went down on the top deck that night? Maggie will have to work her way backward to uncover the secrets that everyone—even Giselle—kept below deck or she’s dead in the water.

Jan Gangsei crafts a compulsively readable tale of privilege, family, and identity wrapped in a wholly original mystery that will keep readers on the edges of their seats until the final twist.

ISBN-13: 9780063310445
Publisher: HarperCollins
Publication date: 11/19/2024
Age Range: 13-18 Years

Filed under: Guest Post