Finding Inspiration from the FOG, a guest post by Alison Levy

When I started writing the book that would eventually evolve into Magic by Any Other Name, I was at a major turning point in my life. After years of struggling with a narcissistic family member—years of having my emotions and opinions mocked or dismissed, years of being told I was “too sensitive” because I was upset at being put down, years of being treated like I wasn’t a real person with real feelings–I’d finally decided that enough was enough. I went “no contact” with him.

The stress of that decision was overwhelming. My narcissistic relative wasn’t physically abusive so I had a hard time identifying his verbal and emotional manipulation as abuse. I’d spent all of my life up to that point just accepting that this man would always have some measure of control over me. That may sound odd but the truth is most people who have grown up in problematic families are unaware that our experiences are not normal. For us, the abuse/manipulation/mistreatment IS normal because that is all we have ever known. It takes time, distance, and usually therapy to recognize that the way we were raised was messed up. Escaping the “this is fine” mindset is sometimes called coming out of the FOG, referring to “fear, obligation, and guilt,” three of the major tactics used by a narcissist to control his/her family. The process of coming out of the FOG can feel a lot like walking all alone in a hostile world full of monsters in the shadows.

And that’s where my main character, a witch named Georgette, begins her journey.

Like me, Georgette goes no contact with her emotionally abusive narcissistic relatives and spends a great of deal time stressing over that decision. Also like me, she experiences panic attacks and insomnia as she gradually separates her true self from the fabricated identity pushed on her by her family. Unlike me, she lives in a world inhabited by literal monsters. However, like me, she finds the monstrous behavior of her family to be more frightening than any creatures skulking around in the dark as she slowly makes her way out of the FOG.

As I wrestled with complex emotions surrounding my family, I wrote Georgette experiencing a similar struggle. Many of the troubling memories she recounts come directly from my own life and much of the guidance she receives from her friend/default therapist Nico is advice I got from various counselors over the years. Georgette is far from her family home, engulfed in emotional turmoil, and unable to connect with society at large due to her magical circumstances yet she finds a purpose for her life and gradually gains confidence in herself. Like her, the longer I’ve been out of contact with toxic family members, the more comfortable with myself I’ve become. This is often the case for a person who breaks away from abuse. Like a plant kept small by a restrictive pot, once they are free to stretch beyond the limits of their previous circumstances, they start to grow and blossom.

By using my difficult journey to structure my book, I hope it will help people recognize toxicity in their lives. As I said before, those of us who grew up in problematic environments might have a hard time understanding that the behavior we had to deal with on a daily basis isn’t normal. I hope Georgette’s story, modeled after my own (with a healthy dose of fantasy mixed in), will give people insight into unhealthy relationships in their lives and let them see the FOG that isolates them from the rest of the world. I hope my book helps young people identify toxicity in their lives so they can find their strength at a younger age than I did. I wrote Georgette as a young woman partly because I wish I had seen the narcissists in my life for what they are when I was that age. As rough a time as Georgette has throughout the book, I like that she finds her feet and learns to recognize FOG for what it is so much younger than I did. I hope seeing her stand tall can be as therapeutic and inspiring for young readers as it was for me writing it.

Escaping the FOG, while frightening and sometimes traumatic, is always worth the effort. I want to inspire those readers who see themselves in Georgette’s situation to expand their horizons, to know that they are capable of and deserve more than the narcissists in their lives would have them believe. I want them to find their people, people who love them for who they really are and won’t hurt them on a whim, and I want them to live their best lives. More than anything, I want them to know that setting boundaries is healthy and that “No” is a complete sentence.

The book wraps up with Georgette still grappling with trauma; recovery can be a long road and she still has a long way to go. But I hope her story shows people that the long road in front of you holds more promise than the FOG you leave behind. All progress, however small, is still progress. Stand tall, reader. I believe in you.

Meet the author

Alison Levy lives in Greensboro, North Carolina, with her husband, son, and a variety of pets. When she’s not writing or doing mom things, she crochets, gardens, and walks her collies. Find out more on her website.

Facebook: @AlisonLevyAuthor | Twitter: @ALevyAuthor | Instagram: @alevyauthor 

About Magic by Any Other Name

Ivy Nichols O’Reilly has grown up in a wealthy family full of magic, fantasy creatures, and emotional abuse—but when her narcissistic mother arranges an unwanted marriage for her, the young witch reaches her breaking point. She drops out of college, changes her name to Georgette, and flees across the country with her best friend, a Wood Nymph named Mei-Xing.

Georgette is determined to build a new identity and a new life. But her journey leads her to cross paths with a number of magical characters—a Werehyena searching for his kidnapped wife; a Vampire who runs a unique magical business; a curandero, a shamanistic practitioner of traditional medicine; and a Valkyrie who, along with her raven partner, wants to make a risky deal—who make it clear to her that the past is not so easily left behind. In order to grow into her new identity, help her new friends, and develop a healthy relationship with a man she’s beginning to care for, Georgette will have to confront the privileges that have shielded her from the pain and ugliness of the magic community in which she was raised—and find the strength to overcome the trauma of her childhood.

ISBN-13: 9781684632244
Publisher: SparkPress
Publication date: 11/07/2023
Series: The Witch’s Odyssey
Age Range: 13 – 18 Years

Filed under: Guest Post