From Shaun Cassidy to Shawn Mendes: Why we NEED to talk about crushes in children’s books, a guest post by Kristin Nilsen

In 1977, I fell in love for the first time. I was nine and he was nineteen but that didn’t seem important; his soft, feathered hair was so perfect and his big, beautiful doe eyes made my tummy feel funny. I had never met him but somehow that also didn’t seem relevant. Shaun Cassidy didn’t know he was my boyfriend but, even so, it was one of the greatest love stories of all time. I stared at that face on his album cover SO HARD – like I was waiting for his mouth to move and say, “Kristin …  will you marry me?”

It’s not silly … 

… okay it’s a little bit silly – but just because it’s adorkable does not mean that those feelings weren’t real. Or natural. And possibly even helpful. The teen idol crush, now known as the celebrity crush, is practically a universal phenomenon. It’s your first clunky attempt at love and it pops up in every generation; Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley, The Beatles, little Michael Jackson, David Cassidy, Andy Gibb, Rick Springfield, Hanson, Justin Bieber, One Direction, Shawn Mendes, BTS, Harry Styles … need I say more? And let’s not forget the less publicized but just as impactful female crushes: Annette Funicello, Farrah Fawcett, Kristy McNichol, Brooke Shields, The Spice Girls, Britney Spears, Taylor Swift and even cartoon characters like Sweet Polly Purebread, foxy Maid Marian, the Pink Power Ranger and Scooby Doo’s titian-haired Daphne. I’m not making this up, these cartoon ladies pop up repeatedly in surveys about first crushes. None of these relationships ever end in grown-up marriages but all of them were magical and memorable and so much fun. And ultimately they all helped us cross the threshold from childhood into adolescence with a firmer grasp on who we should be when it came time for a real relationship (answer: “your authentic self”).

My novel Worldwide Crush is about the heartache and hilarity of a very one-sided teen idol love affair between Millie, a seventh grade girl, and an adorable, floppy-haired teenage pop star who confesses that his latest #1 hit reveals a secret wish to find love in his audience. For Millie, this means just one thing – she could be that girl (now let the fantasy hijinks ensue). It’s a deep dive into the crush experience and the fantasy life it encourages, sometimes to comic effect. But it also reveals the developmental growth that comes from practicing love within the safe walls of its impossibility; Millie finds her authentic self in the course of this crush, and carries it with her into her next stage of life. 

When I started submitting Worldwide Crush to agents and editors in the children’s publishing world, I learned there are some big misconceptions about girls (boys, too, but mostly girls) and their crushes. There were lots of concerns over whether or not we should be talking about romance in books for children. One agent said it was “gross” that Millie was twelve and the teen superstar she crushed on was fifteen. Romance is for teen fiction, everyone said; would you be willing to age up your characters? Perhaps make them the same age? 

Hmmm…that’s not really how this phenomenon works. First, Worldwide Crush is not a romance; a romance is something that happens between two people (not just one individual plus a stranger they will never, ever meet).  And second, Millie’s crush is part of a phenomenon that occurs mostly in childhood – naturally so.

The truth is that these childhood crushes start much earlier than we adults are comfortable with. First crushes most often occur between ages ten and twelve which is why  this age group was the largest customer base for former teen magazines like Tiger Beat and Teen Beat. But crushes can often be felt as young as six or seven. Dr. Rebecca Tukachinsky Forster studies parasocial romantic relationships with media figures (aka celebrity crushes) at Chapman University; she says these very young crushes show that puberty starts long before we see it in their changing bodies – and an adorable celebrity is a very safe way to experiment with these feelings without the entanglements of IRL relationships that children aren’t ready for.  Crushes do not equal sex. They may not even equal kissing. A ten year old’s fantasy might include sharing an ice cream cone. Or adopting a puppy together from a no-kill shelter. All of this is normal and a sign of a long and healthy path to adolescence.

And remember that healthy age gap between nine-year-old me and nineteen-year-old Shaun Cassidy? Our first crushes are generally older than we are whether it’s a friend’s older brother or Uncle Jesse from Full House. The tweenage May-December romance is more about identifying worthy objects of desire than it is about engaging in literal relationship stuff with them. It’s like window shopping for your future. I know people (perfectly normal people) who created childhood fantasies around Magnum PI, the Bionic Man, Richard Dawson from the og Family Feud and even the local weatherman. Stop laughing! Yes, it’s hilarious but it’s also sweet and innocent and perfectly, weirdly natural.

Even so, a lot of our confusion about crushes comes from good old-fashioned sexism with a big dose of heteronormative thinking. Just like the word “slut,” the phrase “boy crazy” – a derogatory term used to diminish the feelings of heterosexual girls – has no equivalent for heterosexual boys. Fangirls who love Harry Styles are ‘hysterical’ but boys who love Taylor Swift or Foo Fighters or any other performer might be considered ‘passionate about music.’ Part of this double standard comes from the misconception that the crush phenomenon is something experienced primarily by young girls. The truth is that boys experience crushes at the same rate girls do but, because it’s considered a girl-experience, they mostly hide them. 

In her book This is Not a Book About Benedict Cumberbatch, author Tabitha Carvan explores her own crush on the Sherlock star;  and she starts to notice a pattern – if large numbers of young girls have very strong feelings for something or someone, society judges the object of their affection harshly, as if it’s embarrassing or unworthy. But if boys and men start to jump on the bandwagon, the object of their affection rises in status. When the Beatles first came to the United States, they were considered mere purveyors of bubblegum pop for screaming girls but now they’re considered the greatest band of the rock era. Huh.

My point is that we need to write and share books that reflect what is real and normal and joyful – and not at all shameful. If we pretend that tweens don’t have crushes, or that boys don’t have crushes, we risk alienating them. If we pretend that tweens shouldn’t have crushes, and should instead focus on more important things, we risk shaming them. Is this really how we want people to start their puberty journey? By doubting their feelings? Adolescence is so full of doubt and confusion already, I really don’t want to make it worse. 

In Worldwide Crush, I want to validate those feelings and illustrate how they can actually be a really important and satisfying part of growing up. And if there’s one thing you need to do this successfully, it’s a strong connection to the kid you used to be. Actually, if you want to teach, parent, minister, treat, or serve seventh graders in any way, you’ll have a tough time doing it if you have no memory of what it was like to be a seventh grader yourself.

So let’s start there; picture yourself in your childhood bedroom, staring up at that poster of your practice-boyfriend or girlfriend, the one who allowed you to feel all the feels without getting dumped, and tell me … who was your first crush?

Some of my favorite books featuring important crushes (for kids, teens and adults):

Crush: Writers Reflect on Love, Longing, and the Lasting Power of Their First Celebrity Crush by Cathy Alter and Dave Singleton

Contributors include Stephen King on Kim Novak, Roxane Gay on Almanzo Wilder, Jodi Picoult on Donny Osmond and more.

I Think I Love You by Allison Pearson

A middle-aged woman wins a contest to meet her childhood crush (a thinly veiled David Cassidy). 

Me and Miranda Mullally by Jake Gerhardt

Three middle school boys fall for the same girl and clumsily try to get her attention.

Romantic Comedy by Curtis Sittenfeld

A comedy writer strikes up an unlikely romance with a former teen heartthrob.

Goodbye Stranger by Rebecca Stead

A group of middle schoolers test the boundaries of friendship when they all go through changes – and romantic feelings confuse the issue.

Catherine Called Birdy by Catherine Cushman

Even girls in Medieval England have crushes.

This is Not a Book about Benedict Cumberbatch: The Joy of Loving Something – Anything – Like Your Life Depends On It by Tabitha Carvan.

A heartwarming memoir about the author’s midlife fascination with Benedict Cumberbatch — and the power of reclaiming our passions as we age, no matter what they may be.

I Was Born for This by Alice Osman

The author of Heartstopper writes about two superfans who navigate friendships of all kinds while fangirling over the biggest boyband in the world.

The Civil War of Amos Abernathy by Michael Leali

A teenage historical re-enactor looks for LGBTQ+ characters in the pages of history books while experiencing his first crush on another boy.

Meet the author

Kristin Nilsen is an erstwhile librarian, a collector of crush stories, and the author of Worldwide Crush (July 2023), a middle grade novel inspired by her own childhood crush on Shaun Cassidy. She co-hosts The Pop Culture Preservation Society, a weekly podcast celebrating the cultural nuggets of the classic Gen X childhood. Kristin lives in Minneapolis with her Gen X husband, her Gen Z son, and their rock and roll goldendoodle, Axl Rose Nilsen.

http://www.kristinnilsenbooks.com

https://www.instagram.com/worldwidecrushbook/

https://www.instagram.com/kristin.nilsen.writer

https://www.tiktok.com/@worldwidecrushbook

About Worldwide Crush

Rory Calhoun is a teen popstar with perfect teeth and messy hair who’s inspiring first crushes all over the globe. Millie Jackson is just one of the millions of fans who love him—but that doesn’t mean her heart doesn’t break for him every single day in this laugh-out-loud coming-of-age story.

How many of Rory’s fans collect “data” about him in a special notebook hidden in their underwear drawer? Or have faked a fascination with whale migration for a chance to visit his hometown? Millie may not be Rory’s only fan at Susan B. Anthony Middle School, but she’s convinced she’s the biggest—and the best.

Rory’s new song “Worldwide Crush” is climbing the charts, and his lyrics are clear: he’s looking for love—and he’s looking in the audience. Meaning Millie’s secret fantasies of running in the surf and eating waffles with him may not be crazy after all . . . she could be that girl! But first she has to get to his concert—his completely sold-out concert in a city nowhere near her home for which she does not have tickets or a ride. She just has to figure out how.

ISBN-13: 9781684631926
Publisher: SparkPress
Publication date: 07/11/2023
Age Range: 9 – 13 Years

Filed under: Guest Post