Book Review: Remind Me to Hate You Later by Lizzy Mason

Publisher’s description

A story about the pressures of social media, the lengths influencers will go to for fame, and the grief of losing a loved one to suicide, perfect for fans of Jandy Nelson and Gayle Forman.

Seventeen-year-old Jules grew up in her mother’s spotlight. A “parenting influencer,” Britt shares details of her daughter’s life-pictures, intimate stories, insecurities, all-to a point that becomes unbearable to Jules.

And suddenly she’s gone.

Natalie has only barely begun to grieve her best friend Jules’s death when Britt announces her plans to publish a memoir that will dissect Jules’s life and death. But Nat knows the truth behind Britt’s “perfect” Instagram feed-Jules hated the pressure, the inauthenticity, the persona. There’s so much more to Jules than Britt and her followers could ever know. As Nat connects with Jules’s boyfriend, Carter, and their shared grief and guilt bonds them, she becomes determined to expose Britt, to understand what really happened, and who is to blame.

In a world that feels distorted by celebrity and the manipulations of social media and public opinion, Natalie and Carter need something real to hold onto. Remind Me to Hate You Later is a moving account of grief, depression, complex relationships, love, and the search for truth.

Amanda’s thoughts

You know how a book can be a great read, just really well-written, but still be such a rough read? Like, sometimes so difficult that you’re not sure you can keep reading, even though it’s not because it’s a bad book or a boring book or anything other than a painful book? Yeah, that was this read. The book starts with a content warning covering many sensitive and potentially triggering topics, so please be sure you read that warning and think about what you may be able to handle.

The summary up there gives you a big picture of what this book is about. With Jules, we see someone who just hates herself. Her depression has convinced her to feel that way, her mean, lying brain takes everything good and runs it through a filter of bad. She has depression. She has suicidal ideations and a previous attempt. She self-harms. She is not doing well, overall, really ever. Yes, she has a boyfriend. Yes, she has a best friend. Yes, she has interests and hobbies. But guess what? Hopefully it’s not news to you that those things don’t magically erase or negate being depressed. Depression doesn’t care what nice things you have. In fact, depression would like to help you ruin them, or feel bad about them, or see them only in a negative light. And then there’s her mom, Britt. Britt is not a good mom. I spend a lot of time saying to my own teen that it’s not my place to judge other parents, that parenting is hard, blah blah, but I feel completely fine saying that Britt is not a good mom. She’s an “influencer” and has spent Jules’s whole life mining for content, sharing way personal stories about Jules, and, oh yeah, making Jules feel like absolute garbage.

Depression is what drives people to the desperate act of suicide. Depression is what drove Jules to die by suicide. But. But. What do we do with Britt? With a mom who, yes, got her help sometimes, but wasn’t there for her in any significant way, wasn’t a confidante or support system, but instead was pretty much a bully and enemy who made life harder for Jules? What do we do with Nat, Jules’s best friend, who is left behind to grieve and feel the crushing guilt that this is her fault? And Carter, Jules’s boyfriend, who is drowning in guilt and grief? What happens when the person you love—whether as a daughter, a friend, or a romantic partner—is gone? How do you go on? And if they died from something that seems preventable, something it seems like you should have been able to stop or help or something, then what? You’re left with questions and guilt and the seemingly impossible task of somehow making some kind of sense or peace or acceptance of what happened and moving forward. It’s not easy. Not for Britt, who maybe now sees some of the ways she didn’t do her job to protect her kid. Not for Nat, whose last interaction with Jules was an argument, who now might be falling for Carter. Not for Carter, who Jules broke up with right before her death. Not for anyone.

I suspect this story will be deeply affecting and possibly upsetting for many readers, but especially so for those of use who have been mired in unspeakable grief, who have lost people to suicide, who live out our own days pushing through mental illness and trying to keep our heads above that undertow. Lizzy Mason puts it all here on the page—the grief and guilt are palpable. The despair is crushing. It’s not an easy read, as I’ve said. But it’s an important one.

Review copy (ARC) courtesy of the publisher

ISBN-13: 9781547609185
Publisher: Bloomsbury USA
Publication date: 02/28/2023
Age Range: 14 – 17 Years

Filed under: Book Reviews