How to They/Them: a guest post by author Stuart Getty

Karen’s intro: As an old, I sometimes struggle with the concept of they/them pronouns. But there’s a book for that! Today author Stuart Getty is talking about their book on they/them pronouns.

Here we are, in a blog post talking about pronouns to teenagers, because libraries are amazing and so are books, and I wrote one. It’s called How to They/Them (with a long subtitle about pronouns) and I think of my book a bit like a helpful, entertaining “need-filling” guide — something to hand to someone instead of just saying “google it,” when they cannot get your gender or pronoun right.  

I wrote and designed my book secretly or not so secretly for my mother, Linda. (The chapter “But it’s not grammatically correct?” could be dedicated to her.)  She’s in her 70s, lives in Kentucky; she means well, but she just doesn’t get it. My book helped. Because in my book, I really tried to boil it down so anyone could take in this information: Illustration, diagmrams, jokes.

Jokes because Linda loves jokes, and also because sometimes when we’re talking about things like gender, we get so scared to do it wrong, so nervous, so tense, that we stop being human with one another. So, for me, adding that wink and play brings more access to the information. So that’s what I did. Jokes! Illustrations! Gender! 

A book about pronouns! Great to give to that aunt who just cannot get your pronoun right. Or as a gift to your favorite librarian because it is educational, and every library should have one. And really, because more people everywhere are identifying with a nonbinary gender using they/them pronouns. So let’s read about it, and treat it not only as valid, but valued. 

Three things that are cool about my book: 

1. They/them is not something white folks thought up. Genderfluidity as an identity has existed in cultures for many centuries, beyond the western lens; in some cultures it was a revered identity.

2. Gender reveal parties, revealed: Spoiler Alert, they’re anatomy announcements!  

3. Push Pink: Did you know the TSA gender-clocks you as you go through security?

Also this bag.  

 Check out my book at your local library.

ABOUT HOW TO THEY/THEM

“This tender, smart, personal book is a gift. Stuart Getty generously shows us, with witty illustrations and kind humor, the hows and whys of they/them pronouns. A wonderful and necessary resource that is a delight to read.”
—Michelle Tea, author of Modern Tarot and Valencia

What does nonbinary really mean? What is gender nonconforming? And isn’t they a plural pronoun? In this charming and disarming guide, a real-life they-using genderqueer writer unpacks all your burning questions in a fun, visual way. No soapboxes or divisive comment-section wars here!

Sometimes funny, sometimes serious, always human, this gender-friendly primer will get you up to speed. It’s about more than just bathrooms and pronouns–this is about gender expression and the freedom to choose how to identify. While they might only be for some, that freedom is for everyone!

PRAISE

“This is totally cool. It’s an accessibly rigorous introduction to the singular they pronoun and likewise this, I think, workbook paws around connecting they-ness to the bordering and genuinely simultaneous realm of sexuality in its multiplicity of ways of feeling not ‘like’ but genuinely truly being oneself. Also the drawings are good, it just all feels direct (phew)—which is what we need—and it would be a boon to hand this book to so many people, so please do that. Plus it’s a useful read to remind yourself that you aren’t alone and do exist. I’m glad to have read it.”
—Eileen Myles, poet and author of Chelsea Girls 
 
“Straightforward, practical, relevant navigation through the radiant world of gender fluidity.”
—Kirkus Reviews

“How to They/Them is an easy visual learning guide to accompany us on the journey to accepting others as they truly are. The more tools the better!”
—Jinkx Monsoon, winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race
 
“Utterly cute and tremendously useful. A remarkably valuable, versatile, and accessible source of education on gender identity.”
—Alok Vaid-Menon, author of Beyond the Gender Binary
 
“How to They/Them is a friendly, gentle, entertaining introduction to gender, taking they/them pronouns as a starting point but covering so much more. With sweet illustrations, helpful timelines, and generous personal examples, Stuart Getty takes the reader by the hand and tells them everything they need to know about how to navigate the confusing, ever-shifting landscape of sex and gender. This book will give nonbinary readers a sense of being profoundly seen and everyone else the confidence to make the world that little bit safer for their nonbinary friends, family, and colleagues. Thank you, Stuart.”
—Meg-John Barker, author of Gender: A Graphic Guide and How to Understand Your Gender
 
“This tender, smart, personal book is a gift. Stuart Getty generously shows us, with witty illustrations and kind humor, the hows and whys of they/them pronouns. A wonderful and necessary resource that is a delight to read.”
—Michelle Tea, author of Modern Tarot and Valencia

“[A] clear, kind guide to gender nonconformity. Getty’s cheeky tone and the punchy black-and-white illustrations by Brooke Thyng make this book a useful reference for anyone with questions about gender, whether their own or those they witness in the larger world.”
—Booklist

“Half Mx. Manners and half manifesto, How to They/Them is a useful guide to a gender fluid world.”
—Shelf Awareness

“In this sometimes-serious, often-humorous guide, Getty breaks down the do’s and don’ts of using these pronouns, how to be an ally in any situation (including the workplace), and just what gender fluidity means.”
—425 BusinessSEE LESS

ABOUT STUART GETTY

STUART GETTY is a genderqueer writer, speaker, and filmmaker who works at IDEO, a design and consulting firm.

Filed under: Teen Nonfiction