Interview with a Zombie
To borrow from Anne Rice, today TLT does an interview with a Zombie. Monsters to be feared or sick people to pity? What do zombies think of the current spate of zombie fiction lining library shelves? And most importantly, what can we do to keep ourselves safe? Joining us today to answer these zom questions is the zombified version of Rusty Fischer. TLT: Zombie fiction is very popular right now, do you think that zombies are accurately portrayed in today’s zom lit?
ZR: Let’s just say I’ll be happy with the way zombies are represented in fiction, especially YA fiction, when we’re as cool as the dudes in Vampire Diaries. I kid, I kid. Actually, some authors are far too kind in their depiction of the living dead because the majority of zombies I meet can’t string two words together, let alone have something bordering on a personality!
TLT: In Rot & Ruin by Jonathan Maberry, there is a lot of discussion on the fact that zombies used to be someone’s mother, father, son or daughter. That zombiism is something that was done to them, not something they are doing. Do you feel that we should have sympathy for you and your zombie brethren?
ZR: I don’t know if sympathy is the right words, because I’ve met some nasty zombies who are beyond your, or my, sympathy. Zombies are just like humans; some good, some bad. When I was alive I would cross the street to avoid certain people and I’m no different when it comes to my undead brothers and sisters. What I would hope for is more understanding about our condition, our plight and less fear for the sake of fear. I think if more people spent time studying what we have, and how to reverse it, or at least free some of us from it, both humans and the living dead would be far better off.TLT: Throughout all the zom fiction popular today, there are a lot of theories about how you came to be – what theory do you think is the most fun? Which theory do you think is the most possible for what happened to you? What zombie fiction just makes you frustrated because they get it so very wrong?
ZR: I love all the theories out there in zom fiction because so many of them come surprisingly close to fact. It’s not just birds of a feather who flock together, but zombies as well. (Who else are you going to talk to over a nice serving of brains at three in the morning?) I have met zombies from all over, some who have been brought back to life by voodoo priestesses, some by a witch’s chant, others who’ve been bitten by other zombies, some by plague and the latest by a lightning strike. Many zombies, like myself, don’t remember how they were reanimated, only that they one day found themselves roaming the streets with a hunger for human flesh. To me, that’s the scariest kind of reanimation; never knowing what happened to you, only knowing what you are.
TLT: We always hear jokes about zombies and brains. Yet, it seems like you are willing to eat any part of the human body. How easy is to to get to the human brain? What about other body parts? And are you willing to eat animals if necessary?
ZR: I read somewhere that the human jaw isn’t actually strong enough to chomp through the skull, but what humans always fail to take into account is the physics of being undead. Or the effect of brains on human physiology. The electricity from fresh brains, and a diet of only fresh brains, changes you. It changes your emotions, your physical body, your chemical makeup. Death changes you. Your fat turns to muscle over time, and when you’re all muscle, you’re stronger, period. Jaw, teeth, hands, legs. I could never do a chin-up as a human; last week I climbed a four story building to chomp on a squatter I’d been stalking for three days. Never underestimate what a hungry zombie will, and can, do for a fresh brain.
TLT: If you could meet any zombie author, besides yourself, who would you like to meet and what would you like to tell them? And do you think you could stop yourself from eating them?
ZR: I have remarkable control when it comes to eating authors! Especially zombie authors. (Especially if I’ve fed in the last 24-hours, which I always make sure to do at book signings. Actually, zombie author book signings are some of the easiest places for me to infiltrate since there are always at least a few dozen clowns dressed like zombies – or how they think zombies would dress – and it’s easy for me to blend in. I would love to pick Jonathan Mayberry’s brain, pun intended, because I believe he has a heightened sensitivity to those of my kind. I’ve also enjoyed the works of Stacy Jay, E. Van Lowe and Amanda Ashby, who have made me laugh at my own zombie self.
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TLT: As a zombie, put yourself in your human shoes and tell us – what DO we need to do to survive? What are you looking for as you shamble across the country side?
ZR: Shamble, you say? I prefer the term “shuffle,” myself. Has a little bit more pizzazz to it, don’t you think? The fact is, I’m not much different now than I was as a human. My diet’s a lot different, and my hours are flip-flopped, but essentially I seek the same things al humans do (I’m still technically human, btw): a nice place to sit after a long day of shuffling, comfortable clothes and a few good friends. The worst part about being a zombie is never sleeping. That gets old, and filling the time becomes a real chore.
TLT: What determines whether or not you eat us or turn us into a zombie like you?
ZR: Age. I’m serious. Young, inexperienced zombies are always taking a bite out of random humans and turning them into zombies for fun. But they fail to realize that the more of us there are, the fewer there are of you to go around. I prefer less competition, not more, so I only hunt when I’m hungry. (And tend to avoid other zombies in general.)
TLT: What region of the country is the most comfortable for you? Will you freeze in the winter? Does the hot Southern summer speed up your decay? And what is your expected life span?
ZR: As long as I keep eating brains on the regular, I am immortal. At least, that’s what the few doctors I haven’t already scared away tell me. As far as climate goes, I prefer something between melting and freezing. Since my body temperature is so low, it’s nice for me to feel the sun on my skin. However, because I have to dress warm and wear as much clothes as possible to avoid showing off too much of my pale skin, I generally gravitate toward colder weather where that kind of dress is more acceptable. There’s nothing worse than hanging around South Beach in a parka and ski pants.
TLT: Tell us, do you watch The Walking Dead? What do zombies read and watch? What do zombies do for fun?
ZR: Does a dog watch Animal Planet? Does a tree watch The Nature Channel? I find it insulting when people just assume I am a zombie freak. Well, I mean, I *am* a zombie freak but I’m not literally a freak about zombies. Generally I prefer long walks in the park, reading poetry and listening to classical music. Of course, I have to walk alone, in the dark or scare other folks off, but I’m good company so I don’t mind all that much.
TLT: Before you were turned into a zombie, who were you and what did you do?
ZR: I used to teach children, believe it or not. Human, living children in English and Drama. Trust me, being a zombie is much, MUCH easier than trying to get 30 restless kids to sit still while you try to read 5 pages of Romeo and Juliet.
About the Zombie, Er, Author
When not pretending to be a zombie, Rusty “Zombie” Fischer is a YA author of several (not surprisingly) zombie novels, including Zombies Don’t Cry, Panty Raid at Zombie High and Vampires Drool! Zombies Rule! You can read more about Rusty’s non-zombie side at his blog www.zombiesdontblog.blogspot.com.
More zombie posts on TLT:
Filed under: Zombies
About Karen Jensen, MLS
Karen Jensen has been a Teen Services Librarian for almost 30 years. She created TLT in 2011 and is the co-editor of The Whole Library Handbook: Teen Services with Heather Booth (ALA Editions, 2014).
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